Off-putting behaviours
second half of May
H has ditched Roberto Bolaño’s The Savage Detectives, in favour of Naturalis Historia by Pliny the Elder because, she says, Bolaño’s visceral realism was ‘giving her the ick’ —especially as it was recommended by her bf.
Thus began a discussion on the subject. The internet says the term ‘the ick’ was first coined in Ally McBeal in the late 90s, by the 2010s it had ‘achieved widespread usage’, and a viral resurgence in the 2020s has made it part of modern dating vocabulary. We’ve all experienced it; that sensation when a new love interest says or does some ordinary thing which (inexplicably) renders them profoundly unattractive. I wonder if young folk are overreacting though, it seems that hardly has a couple got going nowadays when one of them might innocently order the lemon & herb marinade at Nando’s, answer quiz astronomy quiz questions, wave in the street, sketch possible dolphin tattoos, or eat a croissant with a knife & fork, and be brutally let go. It’s not that people of my generation didn’t (don’t) feel these things as keenly. I remember going off a boy in 1987 when he returned from Europe in espadrilles, and another, for repeatedly beating me at Scrabble with two-letter words and then going to prison. But I didn’t immediately dump them, I waited it out (come to think of it, I married one of them). Because we were able, back then, to bat these things away, and wait for something good to emerge—like they’d got a car, or a telly, or didn’t mind going to museums.
It’s not a thing you grow out of, either. RD gets it horribly from her bf’s Oura ring (self-optimisation device that monitors his breathing, predicts a virus, and provides round-the-clock insights into sleep, fitness and stress). Also his high insteps, and when he naps on the daybed in crocs after finishing a painting of e.g. a still-life of ‘jugs’.
S gets it when hers pretends to find something behind her ear, in the style of a magician, or clacks the toast tongs at her boobs and bum, which he can’t seem to resist doing. H gets it when hers cleans his specs with his breath and a hanky. Misty’s going through a good patch with Mike atm and can’t think of anything. RD jogs her memory, recalling the hyper-mobile yoga, sex jokes, and nasal whistle during intercourse. (Redacted) caused her bf to have the ick on a minibreak, when she paddled in the Trevi Fountain and got slightly arrested, and later fell over with heat exhaustion in the market place and ‘went to the bathroom’. She’s allowing me to include these details in my next novel, but only if I have him doing upper body stretches on the outward flight, near the toilet, and reading Think Like Monk, and that his testicles hang down almost to his knees, all of which gave her the ick (first).
I only get it with K by proxy so far, e.g. if I sense he’s getting it from me, which I think he does when he’s reading/working and I try to talk to him.
Diary to 16 - 31 May
16 May
Misty has a lot in common with Lena Dunham, she says. Phenomenal creativity, early success, concern about bird habitats, and, like Lena, she’s had sex in an apartment with trash bags for curtains (so have I, come to think of it).
OK! Venezuela Fury, 16, stuns in wedding dress and white crocs as proud parents, Paris and Tyson, look on.
17 May
Hitchcock film noir; Shadow of a Doubt in which the two main characters are called Charlie (one, an overwrought psychopath who’s strangled some women, the other, his sweet-natured niece). The most compelling moment—more so than various murder attempts—being when niece Charlie starts to wonder if her uncle is a homicidal nutcase and stumbles melodramatically to the library for evidence, and it doesn’t close until 9 pm.
K to Homebase for lavenders for new planters but came away with two jasmines after the assistant convinced him they were honeysuckles.
S’s sister-in-law rear-ended in car, and hair clip (the claw type) was embedded into her scalp. Common occurrence. Resulting bald patch, poss. forever.
18 May
Eva & Ella in the USA. Much happier now they’ve found Target and bought stars n stripes bikinis, posed at a waxworks with Indiana Jones. Discovered McDonald’s frozen Coke Slushie, hostess donuts, mega-stuff Oreos. Americans are finding it difficult to understand Eva’s accent (southern, Cornish twang?). But no such problem with Ella’s (distinctive Mancunian). She introduced ‘Assorted Biscuits of Great Britain’ to an entirely American audience and they understood every word and enjoyed every biscuit.
Eva has seen her first ever cockroach, and Ella saw something like a big squirrel.
NY Times: Ichikawa City Zoo, Japan: two men arrested for trespassing into the enclosure of Punch (a Japanese macaque) to promote cryptocurrency. Punch unharmed.
19 May
Becky has asked Eva to bring back YumYum Sauce (preferably Terry Ho’s), Tums antacids (preferably Assorted Berry) and melatonin. Other friends have messaged requesting Tide pens (on the go stain removers) and Kourtney Kardashian’s Lemme Gummies (vaginal probiotic and anti-bloat).
Man City v Bournemouth ends in 1-1 draw, so Arsenal win the league. K in Stroud, opened a can of Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s nettle beer to celebrate.
Instagram: Machine Gun Kelly starts a feud with Yungblud. Looked up MGK on Wikipedia and see he has a whole section for feuds and diss tracks, e.g. ongoing with Eminem, and Slipknot’s Corey Taylor.
20 May
Tea break with Debby. Told me about taking the grandchildren to see Paddington the Musical on Saturday afternoon which coincided with so-called Tommy Robinson’s so-called ‘unite the kingdom’ march*. They’d had lunch near the theatre, and afterwards had to wait to cross the road. Looking through the trickle of grim protestors, they could see Paddington, ‘a beacon of decency’ shining out in neon. Exiting after the show (which was ‘terrific’), they ended up in an alleyway which had served as a toilet for the march. A doorman from the Savoy, or some such place, warned them the to be careful not to tread it. It wasn’t just urine. It was fascist urine (Debby’s words).
*Organisers claiming ‘millions’ attended, but police estimated the number of to be c.60k, about a third of the numbers for last September’s march.
Debby says people flirt with her when she wears her turquoise beret. She’s going to walk to Daunt Marylebone for her friend’s book launch. Chilblains must be better.
Instagram: National dog survey: how popular is your dog’s name?
21 May
BBC Radio 4: Nick Robinson, interviewing Wes Streeting, comments on the brevity of Streeting’s meeting with Keir Starmer. Streeting responds that it ‘seemed longer than it was.’
Photographs from Eva of the Forever Hollywood Cemetery: David Lynch’s grave (middle name: Keith). Also, Ella laying a rose on Johnny Ramone.
S suddenly asks Misty ‘What’s Pope Leo up to?’ and I just love her for it.
Somerset House celebrate Rose Tremain. Good lunch, great speech. Somehow afterwards, on the subject of Ian McEwan, other guests remember him on stage at the Cheltenham Lit Festival being heckled by his ex-wife.
Email from Waterstones re my loyalty card. Your balance of £7.01 is due to expire on 20/06/26.
22 May
RD is putting in a scandi-panel to absorb noise of Swiss Rolly’s acoustics.
Judith Chalmers has died.
24 May
Instagram: this dog has spent so much time on boats she’s learned to balance like a sailor
Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon at the Prince Charles followed by nightcap at Waxy’s Sister then ran for the tube. Trotted down the escalator to hear a guard shouting ‘last tube, last tube’. It seems so quaint, but also exciting.
BBC: Girl raped by boys spared jail tells BBC 'judge’s decision was like ‘rock in my face’.
25 May.
Bank holiday Monday. Parliament Hill Lido the busiest I’ve ever seen it. Too crowded to abide by the lane system. Still, a man got cross with MM and me for swimming two-abreast. He couldn’t overtake, he said, so MM fell back and we swam on single file. He never did overtake because I beat him to the shallow end, and punched the air in victory.
Eva back from USA. Brought me some Wrigley’s double mint.
26 May
Lido closed this morning because of an incident yesterday. Intel from Alfie’s Daunt colleague: A fight broke out in the afternoon and at least one lifeguard was injured and their car damaged.
People on the swim group chat joking that I started it by racing that man and punching the air, and he lost it and ran amok.
Alf reading me a compilation of tweets by Joyce Carol Oates, including, this from 2013:
Ironic that I am a judge for the Truman Capote award when Capote, in a druggy interview, said he hated me & that I should be executed. LOL.
Discussing UEFA championship final in Budapest on Saturday. MM’s friend accidentally booked a flight to Bucharest.
S. had a date with a former jockey from Kentucky, certified bulimic, recovering alcoholic, his ambition now is to master the perfect Bakewell Tart. S says, ‘ignoring all those things, he’s quite nice.’
27 May
The Independent: The Mediterranean secret to keeping your home cool in heat wave (change its colour)
Crystal Palace v Leipzig Europa conference league final
RD has gone to a fancy dress as Cassie from Euphoria. S. going on about Ivanka Trump’s appearance before all the work.
28 May
Vic has been made an elder in in her online farming community, Hay Day, and awarded the title of ‘philanthropist’. Her farm is called Windy Hill where she has a little shop selling produce. In the chat bar, she’s known as ‘Windy’.
28 June
Polly Toynbee talking to Pat Thane about her book Women’s Liberation: Gender Inequality From Suffrage to Austerity. Alfie greeted Pat, ‘Hello Polly’ and said that the washing up afterwards was that bit easier due to there being very little lipstick on the glasses.
Guardian: Eight students rescued after being stuck at top of roller-coaster in Texas
29 May
Spat on Hay Day. Certain individuals haven’t been pulling their weight with tasks such as fishing, mining, helping, feeding, harvesting. Some members have been kicked out. Windy (Vic) is in the clear.
Vic’s Robins have fledged.
I was so hungry I nearly took Helen up on her banana.
30 May
Took a tour of the roses (over 30 different types) in Vic’s garden. My favourites are the climbers such as Snow Goose, Dainty Bess, Gertrude Jekyll. Also in bloom: Darcy Bussell, Country Parson, Irish Eyes, Tottering-By-Gently, Reverend Smith, Abraham Darby, Teasing Georgia, Mortimer Sackler (name now changed to Mary Delany), Buttercup, Sarah Van Fleet, Open Arms, Meg, Portland Rose, William & Catherine, Wedding day, Bathsheba, Boscobel, Cécile Brunner, The Lady’s Blush, Shepherdess, Pilgrim, Queen Mother, Raspberry Ripple (not real name), Louise Odier, Guinée, Mary Rose, Buledeneige, Penelope, Dutch Gold, and Celestial.
I’ve seen them over the years, of course, but hadn’t realised just how many she had.
Me: Wow! you must love roses
Vic: not particularly, it’s just that people constantly give me David Austin vouchers.
Carol Vorderman has written to the women of Makerfield ahead of the by-election. re the sexist behaviour of reformed candidate Rob Kenyon.
Mother & Mr Holt discussing whether or not they need a dose of their constipation medicine, Cosmocol. ‘Are we taking any jollop tonight?’ she asks.
Watching a nervous baby donkey cross a wooden bridge and nearly cry when he does it.
Arsenal v. PSG UEFA championship final. K at the Emirates, photographed with the trophy.
28 May
RD’s neighbour’s dog was christened Clarence but soon nicknamed Clip-clop, then Clipper then Clewie, then Lewie, then Hughie, then Hughie Green, then Hugo, then Gugo, finally Googie Withers, Goo for short. RD is sick of hearing this, especially as she recently lengthened Verny to ‘Vernon Presley’ to distance him from Putin. Also, she’s trained Verny to take recycling to the bin. He can manage bottles in his mouth if she’s collapsed them and he’s a whizz with any shape or size of cardboard.
(Redacted) has started using Nivea 72-hour protection deodorant.
29 May
Instagram: Why does Queen Letizia of Spain ignore Princess Sofia and push her away? Answers in the comments: to prioritise older sister, Leonor.
Hay Festival: Sarah Wynn William on stage but silent.
31 May
CNN: Israel seizes Crusader-era castle as Netanyahu orders forces deeper into Lebanon
(Redacted) who doesn’t suit trousers, turned up in culottes, obviously not appreciating that culottes are essentially trousers. A consolation is that she has the perfect shoulders for any dress. They’re like a top quality, padded, coat hanger. Dresses drape just right off them.
Instagram: Who Gives A Crap? Limited edition toilet paper just dropped.
K has bought a 9-pack of Saxon brand “luxuriously enriched with coconut oil”. Smells quite strongly of the kind of air freshener you get in a taxi.
Posting from Paddington Station!
So many chuckles reading this, thanks, Nina.
And reminiscing about times I got the ick now.
Ick!!! These youngsters today don't know what a true Ick is! I too waited it out and married one and am still waiting it out after 'doing Ick time' of 50 Years yesterday. There are truly some Icks there I could write about. 😤
Thanks as always Nina for cracking me up whilst opening my eyes to what's out there in the world that people are doing, reading, sharing and talking about. So funny. The film poster just makes me want to collage!!